All it takes is one 'Hello'
As a child I did not keep in touch with my friends from my past school and so every new school I attended, I was essentially starting over in terms of making friends, learning the school system, meeting new neighbors etc...
Alright, truth time... I kid you not, there was a point in my life where I did not make a new friend in about 4 years. Yes, that's a long time. Yes, it was a problem, but I have it under control now ... I think?
Fun Fact: I never had a problem connecting with animals. In fact, I think it might be my favorite pastime activity... because animals are cute, and people are scary.
I was born in Israel, lived there for 6 years, attended kindergarten there and lived in two houses. Moved to the Los Angeles, lived there for 2 years, attended 1 school. Moved to Las Vegas for two years, attended 2 school, and lived in 3 houses. Finally, moved to San Diego, where I am currently living in my second house and since I moved here up until the 12th grade, I attended 4 different schools. If you add that up, from ages 0-18 I lived in 8 different houses and attended 8 different schools (10 if you count higher education). I know this doesn't compare to a lot of people, but as a daughter of a chef and a teacher, who's professions do not require travel, i'd say my childhood involved a lot of moving around.
I thought it was funny because on the outside, I appeared to have an easy time making friends. I would get comments from my classmates such as "everyone likes you, you've only been here a week and you already have friends," but on the inside, my anxiety grew at each new school I attended. It doesn't make sense to me because at some point I lost all sense of my social skills when it should have been the opposite. In addition to all of this, I also had to make room for my religion to fit in. Judaism makes up a big portion of who I am and attending non-Jewish institutions meant that I had to constantly tell people about my religion, and why I couldn't do certain things on certain days or eat certain food or even go certain places, due to the restrictions of my religion. I never thought of it as a problem but I guess at some point I just wanted to fit in with the crowd, instead of standing out.
I attended a handful of schools, I was exposed to a many new environments; so why was making friends becoming harder for me instead of easier and more natural? This is still a question I am trying to answer. In the meantime, I began to understand my social anxiety and wanted to change it. Once college began, it was yet another chance to restart. I took this opportunity to not let my anxiety keep growing, but to try to 'reinvent' myself, so to speak, and start becoming more open to talking to people instead of closing off.
In order to do that, I think to myself - "all it takes is one hello." One 'hello' to start a conversation with someone I don't know, to create new relationships with classmates, teachers, strangers. Once I implemented this idea into my life, I started to become more care-free, and started to deal with my social anxiety in a different way, where I would fight it, instead of letting it consume me and become who I am.
Fun Fact: I never had a problem connecting with animals. In fact, I think it might be my favorite pastime activity... because animals are cute, and people are scary.
I read this quickly, Sivan, and then I had so many things I wanted to say. Now I have been sitting with my fingers on my keyboard for about five minutes wondering where to start.
ReplyDeleteFirst--the title. It fits with your story and your six-word memoir.
Second, the light blue background really furthers the identity you are building. I don't know why, but it communicates your cautiousness and commitment to move further ahead.
Third, I like your first paragraph, how your short quick sentences move readers rapidly, emphasizing the many moves you have made in your life time. The prose slows down as the ideas get more complex, your social anxiety grows, and you feel compelled to confront your increasing isolation.
Finally, I really relate to the this. I am super relational, but meeting new people always kind of freaks me out. I really do have to start out with a single hello. Not every person will respond, but I find there are people who are just as scared as I am, and they are grateful I'm willing to say hi.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Sivan! The first time I read your title, I got really interested in your backstory and why you chose that title. After reading your memoir, I totally understood its connection to the title. Although I did not move around a lot as a kid, I can totally understand how hard it is to make new friends at a new environment. As a shy kid who had a small circle of friends, I too had a hard time making friends when I moved here in San Diego. I am only starting to be more outgoing now and what helped the most for me was my experience at work and school. I continually learn, grow, and build confidence as time passes by and I hope that for you, things will just continue to be better too.
ReplyDeleteHi Sivan,
ReplyDeletethank you for your post. It was a bit sad for me to read your story. I can't image how difficult it is to be alone for 4 years without a friend around you. Did you talk to your parents when it happen?
Your story reminds me of a friend in my elementary school. I even remember her name: YiShing. She was a new student in our third grade classroom.. Very very quiet and shy. She sat right next to me, but I did not dare to say anything. Instead, I constantly dropped something into her pencil box, things like a candy, or a sticker. Through out the entire semester, she never really looked at me or any other classmate. She was always alone. On the last of school, I saw her walking out of the school gate with her mom, she stop and gave me a note, and the note said: "I just want to say Hi..." The note melted my heart.
From there on ward, saying Hi is no longer difficult..
Hello Sivan,
ReplyDeleteYour six-word memoir really resonated with me, and I can somewhat relate to what you are saying. Although I didn’t have to move around nearly as much as you did, I have my troubles with social anxiety as well. While I was at San Diego Mesa College I too wanted to change this aspect of my life. Yes, people are scary. The thing I find most difficult about talking to people is knowing what to say or what discourse too show. Even if I’ve known the person for years, if I haven’t seen them in a while a lot goes through my head about how I should act around this person. As you may be able to see, I too am still working on fixing my social anxiety. I like your approach though. Telling yourself, “all it takes it one hello,” and I plan to use it next time I get anxious about talking to people.
Thanks for sharing,
Phillip Tarantino
Hi Sivan! Your post really resonated with me. I felt like you were very open and vulnerable in describing what is a very difficult topic. I can't imagine having to drop everything and make new relationships as many times as you have had to. I assume that would definitely create some social anxieties. Although I have not had the same history of moving around as you have- I do relate to the social anxieties. I feel that sometimes it is more difficult for us who appear to be outgoing or good in social settings, when in reality you are suppressing a feeling that is the opposite. I am curious to hear what you find out about yourself and why things got worse as time went on for a while. But, I am very happy to hear you are moving forward! Your six word memoir was really catching and I think tied in perfectly with you backstory. Oh, and your meme was fantastic!
ReplyDelete-Shelby Sass
Hey Sivan! I really enjoyed reading your blog. I can not believe that you have attended over 8 schools. In my opinion, it takes a really strong person to pick up everything and start over in a new place. In my experience, I have only lived in one place my entire life before moving to San Diego for school, and that transition was a little difficult, but manageable. I too saw this as an opportunity for a fresh start. I used to be a little shy and would hesitate to start conversations with people, but after trying it with a couple people, and all it really takes is a hello. Seeing they title of your memoir made me remember those years of being timid and keeping to myself, but all it takes is that one person to say hi to and before you know it, a friendship has started. I look forward to reading the rest of your blogs.
ReplyDeletePS: I also have no problem connecting with animals, especially dogs!